If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
