I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
