Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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