The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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