Screwed.edu
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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