Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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