I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
