I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
