i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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