i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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