I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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