Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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