No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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