I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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