I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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