i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
