Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
