so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
