I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
