Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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