I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
