I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
