if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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