A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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