She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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