im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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