i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
