We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
