i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
