I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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