If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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