i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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