You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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