im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
