I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize