I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
