lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
