every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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