I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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