I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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