I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Houston, we have a blender
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
