We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize