That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
