I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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