He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
