woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
