We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
