if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
