I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
