I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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