How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
