I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
