Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
