Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
