we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
