at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
