I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
