I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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