If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
