you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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